From relationships to professional life, we often find ourselves expecting a desired outcome. Sometimes these expectations are not met and reality checks in, creating a mammoth of frustration, disappointment and anger. Feeling stuck in the expectation vs. reality trap is not uncommon. We often find ourselves asking questions like:
- How do I avoid disappointment from the expectations I have for myself?
- Why do I feel unfulfilled in my profession?
- How to deal with disappointment in a relationship?
- Why would they do this to me?
Keep reading to learn about the concept of expectation vs. reality in detail and discover the various practices for effectively managing expectations.
Expectation vs. Reality: Why Disappointment Emerges and How to Manage It
Expectations are a natural part of human behaviour, shaped by past experiences, societal pressures, and cultural norms. Disappointment sets in when reality clashes with our assumptions. This is when pursuing a flexible mindset can help weather through those storms. While dealing with disappointment is crucial, mastering the art of managing expectations can be even more beneficial. Let’s read a few examples, exploring expectations, reality, the source of disappointment, and the trick to managing expectations in similar situations.
Health
We all expect to live healthily but is that always a reality? No! Here’s how to manoeuvre our thinking to deal with the unforeseen expectation vs. reality situation.
- Expectations: One of the most common expectations we have of ourselves is a fit, lean body, perfect health, and an illness-free life.
- Reality: Throughout our lives, we may face unexpected injuries, illnesses, or even chronic diseases. Mental health concerns like anxiety and depression can occur too, substantially impacting our quality of life.
- Understanding why expectations often lead to disappointment: Such unexpected circumstances cause a disparity between our expectations and reality, resulting in feelings of disappointment, frustration, and even hopelessness.
- Managing health-related expectations effectively: The first step to managing expectations in such cases involves identifying the potential challenges you may come across. This includes taking proactive steps to maintain mental and physical health by eating healthy, sleeping well, managing stress and staying physically fit. It is also crucial to seek professional help whenever needed. Additionally, a positive mindset can take you a long way toward dealing smoothly with difficult circumstances.
Relationships
Relationships are another aspect of life where expectation vs. reality is easily identifiable. Learning how to manage expectations in a relationship plays a crucial role in maintaining a well-balanced, loving and strong bond with your partner.
- Expectations: We often assume our romantic partners to be an ideal match—always available, caring, understanding and loving. We tend to expect a perfect union where appreciation, understanding and support form the foundation of the relationship, leaving no space for conflicts and disagreements.
- Reality: There may be times when our partners are not as attentive or loving as we expect them to be. Unanticipated communication problems, conflicts and disagreements may arise too.
- Understanding why expectations often lead to disappointment: These unexpected problems can serve as a root cause of disappointment and frustration in your relationship.
- How to manage expectations in a relationship: Identifying that a “perfect relationship” is a myth and conflicts or disagreements are bound to occur, is the first step to managing expectations in a relationship. Additionally, it is essential to understand that communication is key to dealing with disappointments in such cases. Being vocal about your feelings, needs and expectations with each other can help you come to common ground, building a more fulfilling and satisfying relationship. If you wish to learn how to deal with relationship challenges without feeling overwhelmed, watch our video by a Soul Sensei Nityanand Charan Das. His simple yet insightful teachings will help you gain a whole new perspective on your relationship.
Career
Wearing a graduation robe at your convocation sparks the dream of landing a perfect job. While some bag it, others don’t, leading to a tug of war between expectation vs. reality. Let’s take a glimpse at how expectations arise and how they impact us throughout our careers.
- Expectations: Success, respect, and financial security are what we strive for, and expecting a positive outcome seems only natural. We often envision a career where our skills and talents make a meaningful impact, taking us one step forward at a time.
- Reality: Our workplace experience can be quite different, exposing us to unexpected setbacks, failures, and challenges. Sometimes, even our values or interests might not align with our job.
- Understanding why expectations often lead to disappointment: These factors can provide a harsh reality check, shattering the illusion of a perfect job and potentially causing frustration or burnout.
- How to manage expectations at work: Having a realistic understanding of potential challenges that might come your way can significantly help in managing expectations in this aspect of life. Prepare yourself to adapt and update your skills to keep up with the evolving industry. Additionally, looking at your failures or challenges as a learning opportunity can help create a growth mindset, thus making dealing with expectations a breeze. Ami Patel beautifully encapsulates this and says, “The power to elevate your life lies within yourself,” as she shares her interpretation of the Bhagavad Gita verse in this video. It discusses how our self-talk affects our lives and that our mind can either be our best friend or worst enemy; the choice is ours!
These were a few examples of expectation vs. reality in our daily lives. Now that you are familiar with the concept, it is time to learn effective techniques for managing expectations and dealing with disappointments.
Effective Practices to Manage Expectations and Avoid Disappointments
Managing expectations and dealing with disappointments are skills you must learn to move forward with confidence in life without being influenced by any external factors. This is not intended for you to discard your expectations completely; rather, it involves approaching them with an open mind and flexibility. This perspective is based on the principles of life coaching, counselling, NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming Therapy), and CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), which assist people in dealing with disappointment in a balanced and effective way. The following practices will help you embrace this approach, become more aware and make managing expectations easier for you.
1. Cultivate Self-Awareness
When navigating expectation vs. reality, self-awareness is a powerful tool. Practice mindfulness to improve self-awareness by observing your emotions and thoughts as they arise, without judgment, and then letting go. Here are a few practices to incorporate:
- In every new situation, ask yourself about what to expect.
- Consider whether these expectations are important, their root cause, and if they are realistic.
- If you are disappointed, consider whether your expectations were realistic in the first place. If they were, plan better to achieve your goal steadfastly. If not, focus on managing your expectations constructively.
2. Learn to Set Realistic Expectations
We often believe what we hear from people and overlook their actions. Reflecting on your past experiences can help identify your self-expectations early on and find a direction to follow. Setting reasonable and achievable goals can also help in managing expectations effectively. Evaluate the gap between expectation and reality in situations that may trigger sadness or hopelessness. Doing so can help promote a healthier emotional and mental state.
3. Stop Comparing
Comparison can easily steal your happiness and undermine your self-confidence. What others post online or how much they have achieved in life can be inspiring, but it is not necessarily true. You can set deadlines to achieve similar goals and face setbacks in the process too. But don’t let that stop you; give yourself time to reach your goals gracefully, avoiding rigid expectations that lead to frustration or burnout when setbacks occur.
4. Become Adaptable and Trust the Process
Understand that change is constant and circumstances may not always meet your expectations. Be flexible enough to adjust expectations as life evolves. Focus on the journey and efforts rather than solely on the end result, even if it doesn’t align with your initial expectations.
5. Practise Emotional Acceptance
Avoid falling into the expectation vs. reality trap. When disappointment arises, don’t be too hard on yourself or suppress negative emotions. Instead, focus on accepting reality and avoiding comparisons with others.
6. Practise Gratitude
One of the most common ways to break free from the confusion between expectations and reality in various situations is to exercise gratitude. Focus on what exists instead of what doesn’t. Write a gratitude journal for a few minutes each day, appreciating what you have. This daily practice can gradually shift your perspective and minimise the impact of unmet expectations.
7. Learn to Let Go and Embrace Positive Self-Talk
When expectations are not met, negative thoughts naturally arise. These thoughts, along with self-talk, can hinder your progress towards your goals. Acknowledge your feelings, reframe negative thoughts, let go as you navigate setbacks, and refocus on your goals.
Understanding the gap between expectation and reality can significantly impact your well-being. This common dilemma is a natural part of human behavior, evident in various aspects of life, including relationships, health, and career. The mismatch often leads to disappointment, frustration, and hopelessness. However, setting realistic expectations and following the effective practices mentioned above can make life easy. Furthermore, cultivating a positive mindset and embracing adaptability can lead us towards a more positive and fulfilling life. Begin with your journey towards a happy and fulfilled life with us. At SoulSensei, we aim to transform your life with the knowledge and experiences of our trusted guides. Each of our video, audio and blog is crafted to bring you one step closer to a life you want.
Sources
- Saxena, T. (2023). How to Manage your Expectations and avoid Disappointment? [online] Medium.
- Scott, E. (2020). The Stress of Your Expectations vs. Reality. [online] Verywell Mind.
- Cantella, V. (2022). Managing Expectations (So They Don’t Manage You). [online] Science of People.
- Barkley, S. (2017). 7 Ways to Set Realistic Expectations for Yourself. [online] Psych Central.
- Say, C. (2023). Expectation vs Reality. [online] Medium.
- How to Brace Yourself for Disappointment. (2020). Harvard Business Review. [online] 3 Nov.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What are expectations?
Expectations are our own assumptions or beliefs about the future, which further influence how we perceive ourselves, others, and events in life. These beliefs or assumptions shape our perspective, thus impacting our actions and reactions.
2. How can I manage my expectations at work?
Understand the possible challenges that might arise in your career, learn to adapt, upgrade your skills to stay up-to-date in the industry, and look at failures or challenges as opportunities. This contributes to creating a growth mindset perfect for managing expectations and dealing with disappointment at work.
3. How can I manage my expectations in my relationship?
In relationships, recognizing that “expectation vs. reality” involves accepting that no relationship is perfect can help maintain healthy dynamics. It is about being aware of your expectations and accepting conflicts as a natural part of relationships. Being vocal with each other about your feelings, needs, and expectations can foster negotiation and adaptability as your relationship evolves.
4. How to mentally prepare for disappointment?
Prepare for disappointment by asking yourself if worrying about it helps. Plan how to handle the worst-case scenario and balance worries with hope, avoiding experiencing pain before it arrives. Distract yourself from negative thoughts and do things to shift your focus. You can do anything from watching a funny movie to taking deep, focused breaths to reduce negative energy.