Grief is something we all experience at some point in our lives, whether we lose someone we love, end a relationship, or even lose a job. It’s a deeply personal experience, and while no one wants to face it, understanding what grief is and how it affects us can help us navigate it a little more easily.
Grief isn’t just a feeling; it’s a journey and doesn’t follow a straight path. It can be overwhelming and isolating, but you don’t have to go through it alone. By understanding the nature of grief and the five stages that often come with it, you can begin to make sense of your emotions and, hopefully, find a way forward.
Understanding the Meaning of Grief
Grief is a personal and complex emotion, often arriving unexpectedly after a significant loss in your life. It’s that deep emotional pain you feel when someone you love is no longer with you. While grief and bereavement are often used interchangeably, they’re different—bereavement refers to the loss itself, while grief is the emotional journey that follows.
Everyone experiences grief in their own way, and it’s rarely straightforward to define. Some people may cry, others might feel anger, and some might even go through stages of denial. However you process grief, know that it’s entirely okay. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and your journey through it is as unique as the love and loss that brought you there.
This quick Theta Meditation with Dr Ddevika on SoulSensei might help you or a loved one experience emotional release if you or they are experiencing grief.
The 5 Stages of Grief Explained
Elizabeth Kübler Ross’s book ‘On Death and Dying’ explains that grief can be broken down into five stages. Knowing these stages in detail can help you cope with your grief or help you understand someone who’s experiencing it. Knowing what happens in each stage can help you better navigate those feelings. You might go through all the stages or skip a few, too. So, the five stages of grief are as follows:
1. Denial
The first stage of grief is denial, and it is often a result of our body’s defence mechanism to help us cope with the shock. It is your body’s way of protecting you from going into complete shock. At this stage, you might have trouble believing that your loved one is gone and coming to terms with reality. It is expected to feel numb, confused and overwhelmed or not feel anything at all when you’re going through this stage. This stage is almost like a shock absorber for your feelings of grief.
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2. Anger
At this stage, you might feel frustrated and ask yourself, ‘Why did this happen to me?’. This anger might be targeted towards yourself, the people around you or even the person who has left. Anger is often used to mask sadness because, for many of us, anger is a much more comfortable feeling than sadness. It is expected to feel this way when grieving, but it’s essential to let it out and do it in healthy ways. You can try exercising, journaling or talking to a friend – whatever you need to process this emotion healthily.
3. Bargaining
The third stage of grief is bargaining, in which you might think of ways you could’ve undone what happened. You might think of everything you could’ve done differently to alter the outcome. Regret and guilt are often the feelings associated with this stage. This stage might be challenging to navigate because you’ll keep replaying the events of that traumatic moment in your mind. The key is to be gentle with yourself.
Try this short guided meditation for letting go of guilt and regret with Kanchan Wadi
4. Depression
This stage finally allows you to experience the deep sadness and the sense of loss. It is different from clinical depression as it is temporary. Some people withdraw from the world at this stage, while others might cry profoundly. You might find it hard to carry on your day-to-day activities and lose interest in things that used to make you happy. During this stage, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to deal with this alone. It’s okay to seek support from those around you. If it gets too much, speaking to a professional is ideal, too.
If you’re experiencing sadness, this mood-boosting Pranayam with Prameet Kotak might help.
5. Acceptance
This final stage of grief is when you come to terms with what has happened. As the name suggests, you accept the outcome and are ready to move on. It doesn’t mean you forget the person, but you learn to adjust.
How the Stages Interact
Since grief is personal, there’s no timeline to how long you’ll experience these stages. Some people might go through these stages faster, while others might skip some stages. It’s also not unusual to experience these stages together or on repeat. For example, you might oscillate between denial and anger in the beginning. You might feel like you’ve moved on to the next stage only to return to the previous stage. There’s no right or wrong way to go through grief. It can take months or years for you to get through it. Be patient and kind to yourself and those experiencing grief.
Coping with Grief
While different people cope with grief differently, there are a few ways that can help everyone:
1. Be Compassionate
Give yourself the time you need to grieve. Be kind and patient with yourself or your loved one. There’s no rush to grieve. Take as much time as you need.
2. Seek Support
There’s nothing wrong with sharing your feelings with your friends, family, or even a counsellor. It helps.
3. Express Your Feelings
Find healthy outlets for your grief, such as journaling, exercising, dancing, painting, or even crying.
4. Focus on Health
Eat and sleep well, even though it might seem difficult.
5. Accept Your Emotions
It’s okay to feel confused and to experience a wide range of emotions when grieving.
The Importance of Patience and Compassion
Whether grieving or supporting a loved one, patience and compassion are essential. Grief is a profoundly personal journey, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Some may move through the stages quickly, while others take more time. What’s important is allowing yourself or others the space to feel and process those emotions—rushing through grief fully can often lead to physical or emotional strain down the road.
Grieving is a challenging and often lengthy process, so permit yourself to take it one day at a time. Acknowledge what you’re feeling, and be kind to yourself.
Explore this session on dealing with problems with patience with Dr. Subha Vilas.
Grief is something we all experience after a loss. While the five stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—are often part of that process, everyone grieves in their own way. It’s important to remember that there’s no set timeline. It might take months, even years, and that’s okay. Finding healthy ways to cope—whether through accepting your emotions, focusing on your well-being, or expressing yourself through journaling, exercise, or creative outlets—can help you along the way.
Sources
- MarieCurie– Stages of grief
- Healthline – The stages of grief and what to expect. By Kimberly Holland.
