Self-sabotage can feel like an invisible force holding us back from achieving the greatness we’re capable of. It sneaks in as doubt, fear, or hesitation, stopping us just as we’re about to soar. But here’s the truth: you hold the power to break free from these patterns and unleash your true potential. In this blog, we’ll uncover the signs of self-sabotage, explore its deeper causes, and share actionable solutions to overcome it. It’s time to silence the inner critic, embrace your strengths, and step boldly into the life you’re meant to lead.
Learn to identify and overcome self-sabotage. Discover its causes and gain actionable steps to break the cycle, unlock potential, and thrive.
Understanding Self-Sabotage
You must have heard the phrase “self-sabotage” many times, but what is self-sabotaging? It is a recurring pattern of conscious or subconscious behaviours and actions that compromise one’s well-being and personal growth. Self-sabotaging can show up in any aspect of your life. It could be at your work, in your relationships or even in your personal life. It can feel like an unseen force that takes you in the opposite direction of your goals. And you might find yourself asking, why do I do this to myself every time? The first step to answering this question is to recognise the signs of self-sabotaging behaviour.
Explore this practical guide to embrace your authentic self with Shubhra Chaturvedi on SoulSensei.
Recognising the Signs of Self-Sabotage
Now that we’ve understood what is self-sabotaging, let’s break down the signs. This will help you recognise and reflect on your actions in order to change them going forward. Here are some ways you can tell you’re self-sabotaging:
- You procrastinate or delay important tasks that are detrimental to your growth.
- You engage in negative self-talk and are highly critical of yourself.
- You isolate yourself from your loved ones when you’re stressed instead of asking for help.
- You set unrealistic standards for yourself and wait for things to be perfect before starting anything.
- You get defensive while receiving feedback.
- You ruminate on your past mistakes and keep criticising yourself over and over again.
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Causes of Self-Sabotage
Self-sabotaging behaviour can occur for several reasons, but it’s important to know the root cause to unlearn these behaviours. Some of the most common causes are:
Fear of Succeeding
Some people are scared of succeeding because they’re afraid of dealing with the consequences. For example, if you get promoted at work, then you’ll have to take on more roles and responsibilities that you don’t want.
Low Self-esteem
One of the top causes of self-sabotage is low self-esteem. It is a way for people with low self-esteem to align their inner beliefs with reality. Failing is almost a defence mechanism for them.
Avoiding Disappointment
No one likes failure, so when you self-sabotage, you rather avoid trying your best than not meet your own expectations.
Fearing Change
As human beings, we all fear the unknown. Venturing into an unknown territory and out of your comfort zone can signal danger, so instead we self-sabotage to avoid change and feel safe.
Low Self-Worth
When individuals believe they don’t deserve happiness or success, they often engage in self-sabotaging.
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Overcoming Self-Sabotage: Practical Steps and Strategies
Combating self-sabotaging doesn’t happen overnight. It requires patience and practice. Here is a step-by-step guide to get you started:
Step 1: Practise Mindfulness for Self-Awareness
Use mindfulness as a tool to notice your self-sabotaging patterns. Become present in the moment to become aware of your triggers and unhelpful habits.
Explore this daily mindfulness routine with Dr. Ddevika.
Step 2: Engage in Positive Self-Talk
You can do this by practising positive affirmations every day. And keep these affirmations handy to repeat to yourself whenever your inner critic starts taking over.
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Step 3: Realistic Goal-Setting
Set small and achievable goals for yourself to build up your self-esteem. When you achieve these smaller goals every day, it will signal your brain that you can do anything you set your mind to. It will boost your confidence and self-worth.
Step 4: Cultivate Healthy Habits
Re-evaluate your everyday habits and work on your physical and mental health. Everything is interconnected in our bodies, so make sure to get enough exercise, healthy food and outdoor time to improve your overall well-being.
Step 5: Reflect and Visualise
Reflect on your goals and dreams regularly using journaling and employ visualisation techniques to manifest your dreams. This will help you stay focused on your bigger goals.
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Step 6: Partner up with a Friend
Share your goals with a supportive friend or family member who can make sure you’re on track. Find someone dependable who can make you accountable for your actions and also celebrate your wins with you without judgment.
Step 7: Try Self-Compassion
Give yourself the same patience and kindness you would extend to others. Remember, you’re only human, and it’s okay to have setbacks. Acknowledge and learn from what went wrong and do better next time.
Step 8: See a Professional
If nothing else works, see a mental health practitioner for guidance because sometimes it’s difficult to identify the root cause of these behaviours. They can offer you insightful feedback and help you with the right tools.
Motivational Techniques to Keep Going
Some motivational techniques to avoid self-sabotage are:
- Practise positive affirmations to shift your negative self-talk into a positive one.
- Develop self-awareness to become alert about your triggers and unhealthy behaviours.
- Avoid comparison with others and focus on your own positive qualities.
- Practise self-care to work on self-improvement and personal growth.
- Reframe your thoughts and learn from your past mistakes to become your best self.
Common Challenges and How to Tackle Them
Combating self-sabotaging is easier said than done. It’s normal to face some challenges while working on these behaviours. Here are the most common ones with solutions to them:
1. Recognising your patterns
Sometimes, these behaviours are so deeply ingrained that finding out the triggers can be difficult. To tackle this challenge, seek professional help and practise regular journaling.
2. Letting go
Unlearning your old patterns can come with a lot of stress and anxiety. This can hold you back from making positive changes in your life. Tackle this by engaging in relaxing activities like meditation and breathwork.
3. Cultivating healthy habits
Replacing your unhealthy habits can be particularly challenging and takes effort. To combat this, start small and reward yourself every time you achieve something.
4. Staying motivated
Motivating yourself to keep going on this healing journey can be daunting sometimes. To make sure you’re on track, find an accountability buddy or join a support circle.
5. Dealing with external factors
Sometimes, toxic friends or family members can hinder you from making positive changes in your life. Tackle this by setting boundaries and prioritising yourself.
Explore the Sedona Method for letting go in this short session with Nithya Shanti.
Embracing a Journey of Self-Growth
Self-sabotage is when a person engages in unhealthy behaviours that impede their own success. Some signs of self-sabotaging behaviours are procrastination, engaging in self-destructive behaviours like negative self-talk, avoiding opportunities, and getting involved in unhealthy relationships. There are many reasons why people engage in such behaviours like low self-esteem, avoiding failure, fear of success and low self-worth. Some effective strategies to overcome these behaviours are cultivating self-awareness and healthy habits, practising self-compassion and self-care, and improving your self-talk. Learn more about self-growth strategies from experts on SoulSensei.
Read more: How to be mentally strong and fearless
Sources
- Medical News Today – Self-sabotage: Why it happens and how to overcome it. By Mandy French.
- Calm – Self-sabotaging: What it is, causes and how to stop.
- Very Well Mind – Self-sabotaging: Why does it happen? By Barbara Field.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is self-sabotage, and why do people engage in it?
Self-sabotaging is a recurring pattern of conscious or subconscious behaviours and actions that compromise one’s well-being and personal growth. People engage in it for multiple reasons. Some of the most common ones are low self-esteem, avoiding failure and fear of success.
What are the first signs of self-sabotaging behaviour?
Some of the first signs of self-sabotaging are procrastination, engaging in self-destructive behaviours like negative self-talk, avoiding opportunities, and getting involved in unhealthy relationships.
Can self-sabotage be overcome?
Yes, there are many ways you can overcome self-sabotage. The first step is to identify the root cause and then work towards fixing it. You can overcome these behaviours by practising mindfulness, journaling, visualisation, self-compassion and self-care.