It is natural to look to others for validation, sometimes this may be someone you look up to, but other times could even be from strangers. We yearn to be accepted by others and seek their approval; however this is a vicious cycle that only ends when we learn that we are the only ones who can give ourselves the approval we desire.
Learn how to stop seeking validation from others and build self-worth from within. Discover practical steps to break free from approval-seeking and embrace your true self.
Self-validation As a Pathway to Personal Growth and Empowerment
Do you often get affected by how other people perceive you? That’s probably because you’re caught up in the cycle of seeking external validation. When you seek the approval of others before making any decision, then you are looking for validation outside of yourself. Self-validation is when you approve of yourself and decide based on what you feel is right. Self-validation can be a pathway to personal growth and empowerment because it can help you accept your feelings without judgment. It results in positive self-talk, leading to higher self-esteem and better emotional resilience.
Learn how to elevate your life through the power of perspective in this short session with Dr. Shubha Vilas on SoulSensei.
Understanding External Validation
As human beings, there are many types of external validation we seek throughout our lives. They are:
- Romantic – when you seek approval from your partner or the opposite gender.
- Social – when you rely on how well accepted you are on social media to determine your self-worth.
- Community – when you try to fit in between your peers and your community.
- Familial – when you seek the approval of your parents before doing anything.
- Academic – when you tie your self-worth to your academic or professional achievements.
When we seek this kind of validation, we’re looking for evidence from those around us that we fit in and that we are accepted. Because we are social creatures, it is part of the human need to feel safe and secure in our communities. While it is natural to feel this way, external validation can become a problem when we tie our self-worth to something outside of us.
Consequences of Relying on External Validation
Relying on external validation can have many unwanted consequences, like:
- Low Self-Esteem: Because you tie your self-worth to what people think of you, it can lead to feelings of anxiety and low confidence.
- People-pleasing: When you change yourself to please others and fit in. This can even mean changing your core values and beliefs for others which might have a significant impact on your mental health.
- Addiction: Sometimes, you might find yourself getting involved in unwanted and addictive behaviours just to fit in.
- Disconnection: This can also lead to a disconnect with your authentic self, leading to anger, shame and frustration.
Explore this short session on shifting your mindset with Dr. Shubha Vilas.
Embracing Self-Validation
The opposite of external validation is self-validation. When you accept yourself for who you are and are secure in your skin, nothing can shake you. You move through life with confidence and a positive mindset. So, the question arises: how to stop seeking validation? The answer may not be that simple, but it’s definitely worth knowing and working on. In the day and age of social media, self-validation is an important life skill that all of us need to learn.

Practical Steps to Cultivate Self-Validation
Here are some practical ways to stop needing everyone’s approval all the time:
Step 1: Recognise the Validation
Identify what type of validation affects you the most. For example, do you overly obsess about what your parents think or do your friend’s opinions matter to you most? Recognise who or where you tie your self-worth to. This will help you find the source of your validation-seeking behaviour.
Step 2: Uncover The Root Cause
The next step is to dig deep within yourself and identify the root cause of this behaviour. In most cases, it is a fragile self-concept or a shaky foundation of self-worth. Self-concept is like a mental image of ourselves that we have in our minds, and when this is weak, we become unsure and underconfident about who we are. An unsteady foundation of self-worth comes from our past experiences like childhood trauma. For example, if your parents rejected some parts of us during childhood, or if you were bullied in school, you are more likely to have lower self-worth. What’s worth remembering is that none of this was your fault. And once you recognise where your insecurities come from, it’s much easier to move on with confidence.
Step 3: Take A Validation Detox
This means give yourself three or six months, and during that time, actively avoid seeking validation from the person you’re most tied to. It could be a parent or a partner. Actively avoid asking that person for their opinion and make decisions without asking them first. Focus on self-love and self-improvement. Take time out for yourself and get involved in activities that bring you joy. Delete your social media for those months, too, for maximum impact. The goal is to strengthen your inner voice and build confidence in your own decisions.
Try this daily affirmation meditation to cultivate self-love with Simran Pawa.
Step 4: Draw Boundaries
One of the biggest steps you will need to take on your journey to self-validation is to stop people-pleasing and set boundaries with those around you. Stop bending over backwards for other people at the cost of your well-being. Be kind and compassionate in your relationships but don’t go over and above if it takes a toll on your mental health. If your loved ones love you, they’ll understand your boundaries and respect them. But the key is to communicate your boundaries and stick to them. Surround yourself with people who genuinely appreciate you and treasure you wholly.
Step 5: Build a Stronger Self-Image
Work towards changing the way you see yourself by celebrating your positives. Give yourself credit for the good things you do to improve your self-talk. Practice compassion and patience with yourself. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and practise mindfulness to live in the moment. Embrace who you truly are, and don’t be afraid of expressing your real self in front of the world. Slowly but surely, you’ll become a more confident and self-validating you.
Try this deep inner exploration meditation with Shreans Daga.
Overcoming Obstacles in the Journey to Self-Validation
The ultimate goal in your self-validation journey should be shifting your mindset from outward to inward. You have to become your biggest cheerleader to see a positive shift in your life. When you’re on your way to self-validation, it is common for self-doubt to creep in, but the key is to accept all your thoughts and who you are without judgment. The biggest friend in this journey can be building self-awareness. Only when you’re fully aware of your strengths and weaknesses can you begin to accept them and harness them to your best interest. You can build this awareness by meditating and journaling.
Learn this dissociation technique to overcome self-doubt with Prachi Mehta.
Building a Supportive Environment
Self-validation is all about affirming and accepting yourself. Some ways to do this are to recognise where you seek validation from, discover the root cause of your validation behaviours, draw boundaries with your loved ones, work on self-improvement and, most importantly, surround yourself with those who truly appreciate you for who you are and not what you do. When you are on your journey to self-validation, it is very important to build the right support system and to only give your biggest supporters access to you. You can do this by assessing the relationships in your life and evaluating who deserves to stay in your life. Learn more about personal growth from experts on SoulSensei.
Sources
- Medium – How to stop seeking external validation and grow your self-worth. By Leila Levchenko.
- Chantelle Grady – How to stop relying on external validation.
- The Meaningful Bits of Life – How to stop seeking external validation.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the difference between self-validation and external validation?
Self-validation involves recognising and accepting your true self without the need for approval from others, whereas external validation is seeking praise and approval from others to decide your self-worth.
How can I start practising self-validation if I’m used to seeking approval from others?
You can begin this journey by first becoming aware of who you seek approval from, finding out the root cause of doing so and then working on self-improvement while actively avoiding validation from those around you.
How does self-validation contribute to personal growth?
Self-validation can help you build a healthier relationship with yourself. It can lead to positive self-talk, higher self-esteem, better emotional resilience and enhanced decision-making.